A kid’s brain isn’t sophisticated enough for her to matter-of-factly tell you what’s on her mind. Your kid could be too hungry, tired, or overwhelmed to make a better choice than hurling a cup on the floor (or an eraser at a sibling). And when they do try to express these big emotions, they may act out in ways that are aggressive or disrespectful. Kids tend to misbehave when the situation or their feelings tax their capacity to handle things. Isolating your child in her room - or just asking her to sit alone on the couch - can even send the subtle message that when your kid isn’t “doing the right thing” you don’t want to be near her. ![]() It can also make him more cooperative so the two of you can figure out what to do next.Įven when you impose a time-out in the gentlest way, children may feel abandoned. ![]() That sends the message that you have your child’s back even when he’s acting horribly. You can soothe your child’s distress with a hug and an empathetic remark (“I can see you’re having a hard time. Kids who are falling apart need our comfort and calm presence. Maybe he had a tougher day at school than usual or he finds his homework especially challenging. So instead of sending your son away, think about what’s bugging him - he might be overreacting, but his feelings are real. Not only do they miss a chance to gain some insight into how their behavior affects others, but their anger can lead to more acting out, not less. Most kids are too busy brooding about how mean their parents are to cool down. Your instinct might be to banish him to his room to think about what he’s done.īut in our experience, putting kids in time-out will just make them angrier. Say your son gets so mad at his sister for singing while he’s doing homework, he throws his eraser at her. Then he becomes more receptive to what you have to say. Here’s why: When you meet those needs, your child can calm down and regain control. Science shows that focusing on a child’s emotional needs is the most effective approach to changing his behavior. Read on to learn why time-outs cause more problems than they solve - and what to do instead: Trust us, it’s easier than you think, and leads to more thoughtful, cooperative kids. What works? Setting limits in a way that’s nurturing and respectful by connecting with and redirecting your kid. But when overused, they can lead to an endless cycle of misunderstandings and frustration. We’re not saying that time-outs are the worst possible discipline technique or that they cause trauma. But after exploring the research, talking to thousands of families, and raising our own kids (five between the two of us), we’ve come to what may seem like a startling conclusion: Time-outs usually don’t work. After all, it’s the top discipline tool in many families - and it sure beats yelling or spanking.Īs parenting experts, we’ve met many loving moms and dads who think this way. But if you’re like many parents, you may also think time-outs are a good way to set clear and consistent boundaries and teach kids self-control. You may not like disciplining your child, especially if you think of it as punishment. “I don’t want waaater!” she wails, and throws the cup at you. “I can give you a cup of water,” you tell her. You tell her she’s only allowed one cup of juice at dinner - and besides, there’s none left. ![]() Does this scenario sound familiar? Your preschooler asks for more grape juice.
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